Mastering one's addictions
by VenusJay
Summary: In which Anakin grows restless in Obi Wan's absence and seeks out something to fill the loss he feels. Combined with Palpatine's gentle manipulation and his own adolescent cravings, he struggles to resist the things that tempt him. Trigger warnings for Drug use and graphic content.
1. Chapter 1

It should have felt amazing. To be out like this, free for once of the constraints he was often placed under. Padawans had to adhere to strict curfews and even stricter training regiments. Everything he owned was decided by someone else, everything he did and said also.

But here he was now in one of the most vibrant drinking rooms in the district, surrounded by people. He ought to have been overjoyed but instead he found it rather dull. No, not dull per se.

It had been weeks since Obi Wan had left, sent on a mission to a far moon that Anakin was deemed unworthy of.

"Inexperienced," Grand Master Yoda had shaken his head even after Anakin had questioned how he would gain experience remaining behind.

He had ordered himself a drink out of sheer awkwardness of being here alone. He realised however, that many people here seemed to be alone. Well, lonely, in some respect.

He knew that Obi Wan drank, sometimes he could tell when he returned at night but he never stumbled or slurred his words in the way he had seen others doing. Now that Anakin had tasted the blue concoction he was thoroughly put off the idea altogether. All day they were taught to master their emotions and a night it seemed many let themselves run wild. Anakin hated the thought of losing control and so after watching the crowds of people for a while, he left feeling disappointed.

Before returning, however, he stopped to buy a pastry from one of the street vendors and the smell of it reminded him of home. He wasn't sure he liked the idea of growing up if it meant exchanging this taste for that of alcohol.


	2. Chapter 2

Master Yoda and Padawan Skywalker sat in the temple. Hours had passed from when they arrived and Anakin often found his thoughts wandering from the meditation. Each time his thoughts drifted he felt a charge of energy through the Force to bring him back to this present and it began to irritate him.

"Peace you will find, Young Skywalker."

"Yes, Master," Anakin replied and tried his hardest to both concentrate and let go at the same time. Racing through his mind were flashes of Obi Wan directing a ship and he wondered if he were imagining the static that flowed through their connection.

He wondered if Yoda could sense his attachment to his Master. He had never commented on their close bond, at least, not to him.

Often at night, Anakin would waken drenched in sweat. He knew from experience he must have been screaming but no one came. Who would? Obi Wan couldn't hear him. He found himself desperate and shaking and thinking dark thoughts. He had used the force to try and connect with his absent master. He knew it was childish and that Obi Wan had important work to do but it made him feel safer to at least try.

The first night he had felt nothing, pacing his room and breathing heavily, images of his nightmare burned onto his eyelids and conjuring themselves in the dark each time he blinked. He didn't sleep at all and almost stabbed himself with his lightsaber the next morning in training.

The second night he had tried again, tentatively reaching out a tendril of power and nothing returned. He had given up and buried himself beneath the sheets to block out the world when he felt the warmth and assurance of Obi Wan wrap itself around his soul. He slept without nightmares that night.

"Yes, young Padawan. Peace you seek, in memories you find."

Anakin was glad when the meditation was over and eagerly made his way to the dining hall. Master Yoda thought gravely on what he had sensed in the young Padawan and resolved to contact Master kenobi.


	3. Chapter 3

It seemed he couldn't help himself. He was really that sad and truly that lonely that he returned. And now that he was here he was beginning to have regrets. Anakin had never owned any posessions, even before joining the Jedi. This meant his clothing was quite recognisable as Jedi and the braid in his hair attracted a lot of attention.

"Zitha, look! Such a handsome, young Jedi. What has you here, then. I thought you all shut yourself away from fun," an attractive female asked him, her hand resting on his arm. It felt nice to be admired and Anakin may have exaggerated his parts in the stories he told. They seemed sad to leave and asked if he might return to these parts. He couldn't help smiling to himself when the bartender returned to him.

"They say that all the girls love a Jedi," he said conspiratorially and gave Anakin a squeeze to the shoulder. It felt brotherly in a way and reminded him of Obi Wan but with less of a guilt trip involved.

"Sneaking out for a bit?"

Anakin jumped at the voice in his ear and found a man around his age beside him. "I don't know what you mean," he replied.

"Oh please. I recognise a Jedi when I see one. Don't worry, your secret is safe with me," he laughed and ordered another of what Anakin had been drinking. The barman seemed a little concerned but poured it none the less. Anakin was co fused as to why the man felt they were sharing in a secret. He imagined most of the room could tell he was a Jedi Padawan.

"You probably don't need this," he said as he handed Anakin the other drink. "With all that meditation you must sleep just fine."

Anakin recalled an entire lifetime of near sleepless nights filled with terror.

"Not exactly," he said sullenly as he sipped the liquid.

"Oh, I see. You must be so busy in your travels that you have no time for rest. Perhaps you don't even need it," he smiled and took a drink for himself. "I didn't catch your name before," he looked at Anakin for a long moment.

"I never told you it," he replied. He knew he must be getting quite drunk because he wasn't as concerned about this strange man as he felt he ought to have been. Especially with the soft laugh he gave. He asked to hear stories of the adventures he had been a part of, the people he had saved. In no time at all Anakin was slouched over the bar top and telling this stranger things he had never told anyone. He was kind and interested in the young boy who most often felt like he simply caused trouble for everyone.

He had started saying how much he missed Obi Wan, how everything was dull without him here, when the man spoke again.

"I know what you feel. An emptiness that makes you feel adrift. Visions of terrible things," he spoke with wide eyes. His handsome face showed every kindness to the boy and Anakin nodded desperately.

"It is possible to make them go away," he assured him. "I used to have them, the dreams you have. But now I'm free of them."

"How?"

The man reached into his pocket then and pulled out a small metal capsule. Removing the casing revealed the liquid inside. Anakin stared at it hungrily.

"It's Quoli. Ever been in the outer Rim?"

Anakin nodded with as much coordination as he could muster.

"It's from Nasaii. Harvested there; it allows the mind to relax whilst maintaining peak performance in everything else. Might help you concentrate in your meditation."

He held out the little capsule to Anakin.

"You can take this. It's not hard to get, pretty popular for the city dwellers. You won't need much anyway."

"Thank you," Anakin whispered as he examined it. He couldn't believe that there was a solution. All this time Obi Wan had tried to convince him that if he only concentrated more on his training that it would help him. Now he could focus on strengthening his powers given that he would be able to rest.

"Anytime Kid. Listen I have to run, will you be alright?"

"Yes, sure. Fine."

Anakin decided he too would have to go back before he was missed. They parted ways at the door and Anakin felt a rush of gratitude for this stranger who had cared for him in his loneliness.


	4. Chapter 4

He had been staring at it for quite some time now. Just to get back here felt like an ordeal, using every inch of the Force that he could muster in this state to conceal himself as he snuck back towards his rooms. He felt giddy and exciteable whilst also being the most melancholy he had ever felt in his life.

Upon returning to his bedroom he had placed the capsule upon the table and had since been wondering what to do. He hadn't thought to ask how to take it, presuming it could be swallowed as though medicine. He supposed it was medicine, really. If it would help him. But the metallic coating made him question how it would have any effect. He did have superior Jedi powers but somehow he doubted that wohld allow his stomach to dissolve metal.

He grew frustrated and pulled the capsule apart, jerking back his hand when something sharp pricked his hand. Upon closer investigation, he saw that within the capsule was a small phial of liquid, at one end was a needle tip. Anakin had never seen anything like it before aside from when the medibots vaccinated everyone upon their entry to the Jedi temple. The temptation to simply shove it in his arm and be done with it was strong but he didn't want to waste the precious little he had by doing it wrong. Much as it pained him, it would have to wait.


	5. Chapter 5

Obi-Wan frowned as the dash com lit up. Noting that is was from Grand-master Yoda, he did not hesitate in answering. The hologram appeared instantly .

"Master Kenobi, speak we must."

"Good evening Grand-master. What do you wish to discuss?"

"Your Padawan. Struggling he is, hmm."

Obi-Wan curtailed the sigh that usually followed. How many times had he been sent away only to hear tsles of Anakin's wrecklnessness, inability to concentrate, his cheek. He often wondered why the council didn't just let him be and allow him to be a teenager for just a little while. Force knows he himself recalls the manic chaos of his own mind at Anakin's age.

"Is he continuing his lessons?"

"Learning, he is. Coping, he is not."

Sometimes he hated these riddle filled conversations. He was exhausted and simply wanted to retire for the evening.

"Do you wish for me to return?"

"No, the mission you must complete. Important, it is."

"I will return in a few days, I am sure Anakin will settle down soon."

"Know best, you do."

With that Yoda gave a little bow and ended the transmission. Obi-wan rubbed his eyes and turned off the control panel. He needed to rest.


End file.
